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The Barbie Movie, but All About Ken

July 19, 2023


Barbie The Movie was both trippier and hipper than I expected, a “Pee-wee’s Big Adventure” for our age.

While primarily about B’s epic journey to the real world to maintain her perfect beauty (free from even a “single cellulite”), the funniest part was Ken trying to make it all about himself, which is something guys always do.

It’s funny because Ken is not only useless in that vaguely existential way that all dudes are in this post-industrial era (his occupation is just “beach,” as in the verb) but literally because he’s always only been an accessory in Barbie’s universe.


After all, as the movie tells us. Barbie’s happy every day but Ken is only happy on those days when Barbie’s around…

Florida Republican congressman Matt Gaetz has publicly complained(?) that Ken has low testosterone, which is not strictly true. Ken himself, adroitly played by Ryan Gosling, even sheepishly admits that he does, in fact, have "genitalia."

In fact, Ken brims with so much hormone at one point that he and his fellow Kens actually takes over Barbie's dream house and makes their own "MojoDojoCasaHouse." Perhaps Gaetz's real beef is that, even with their collective "T" surging all over the place, all the Kens were still outflanked by a well-organized coalition of Barbies (spoiler alert!).

Speaking of accessories, check out this awesome retro Barbie hat case below, which my friend Adele rocked at the Baltimore premier of Barbie:


Barbie-Selfie Solidarity with the WGA, y'aw